Dad Jokes

Blue&White
Posts: 3537
Joined: Sat Aug 12, 2017 10:01 am

Dad Jokes

Postby Blue&White » Mon Feb 04, 2019 7:44 am

My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type for the blood transfusion. As he was dying, he kept on insisting "be positive", but it's very hard without him.

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I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today".

"Which doctor?" she asked?

"Nah, the regular kind."

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My son asked me, "Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?" I said, "go one, then".

He shouted, "NOT THE KYRPTONITE!"

I laughted, "That's Superman!"

He said "Thanks dad! I've been practicing a lot."

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I'm really upset someone stole my limbo stick. I mean, how low can you go?

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Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards at the theater? He was just going through a stage.

I've got more, but you all are probably in danger of busting your sides open so I'll stop for now.
Baseball season!!!!

Blue&White
Posts: 3537
Joined: Sat Aug 12, 2017 10:01 am

Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Blue&White » Mon Feb 04, 2019 8:38 am

A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth."

The dentist replies "You shouldn't be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist..."

The guys replies, "I am seeing a psychiatrist."

The dentist says, "Well then what are you doing here?"

And the guy says, "Your light was on."
Baseball season!!!!

Blue&White
Posts: 3537
Joined: Sat Aug 12, 2017 10:01 am

Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Blue&White » Mon Feb 04, 2019 12:26 pm

I just made sure my son inherits our bathroom scale after I die.

Because where there is a will there's a weigh.

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Today someone told me I am average. I told them that's just mean.

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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

she looked surprised.

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My dad told me that when he was young, he once had to miss class becuase of hypothermia.

Said he was too cool for school.

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Why did God create Adam before Eve?

He didn't want any advice on how to do it

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My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obession with wearing different clothes every half an hour.

I said "Wait, I can change!"


I am going to love this thread even if none of you care or post in it. I love bad "dad" jokes. I tell them all the time, to the collective dismay of my wife and kids.
Baseball season!!!!

psu_dad
Posts: 2087
Joined: Sun Aug 13, 2017 6:59 pm

Re: Dad Jokes

Postby psu_dad » Mon Feb 04, 2019 12:32 pm

I am going to love this thread even if none of you care or post in it.

It's probably just because people were partying until the wee hours.

Mrs psu_dad: Really?
Me: No.
Fire Alex Cora

hbendle
Posts: 220
Joined: Mon Aug 21, 2017 11:48 am

Re: Dad Jokes

Postby hbendle » Mon Feb 04, 2019 12:49 pm

What's the best part about living in Switzerland?

I'm not sure, but the flag is a big plus.

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Where can you find a turtle with no legs?

Right where you left it.

Blue&White
Posts: 3537
Joined: Sat Aug 12, 2017 10:01 am

Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Blue&White » Mon Feb 04, 2019 1:16 pm

Where can you find a turtle with no legs?

Right where you left it.


:lol:

I am so using that one.

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A pirate with a steering wheel coming out of his groin walks int a bar.

The bartender says "do you know you have a steering wheel coming out of your groin?"

The pirate says "aye, it's driving me nuts!".
Baseball season!!!!

hbendle
Posts: 220
Joined: Mon Aug 21, 2017 11:48 am

Re: Dad Jokes

Postby hbendle » Mon Feb 04, 2019 1:44 pm

Three guys walk into a bar.
The fourth one ducks.

Blue&White
Posts: 3537
Joined: Sat Aug 12, 2017 10:01 am

Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Blue&White » Mon Feb 04, 2019 2:13 pm

Two guys walk into a bar. You think the second one would have seen it.
Baseball season!!!!

Blue&White
Posts: 3537
Joined: Sat Aug 12, 2017 10:01 am

Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Blue&White » Mon Feb 04, 2019 7:46 pm

I've never seen the inside of my ears...

.... but I hear good things.

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To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket - you can hide but you can't run.

(don't bother, I'll show myself out)
Baseball season!!!!

Blue&White
Posts: 3537
Joined: Sat Aug 12, 2017 10:01 am

Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Blue&White » Mon Feb 04, 2019 7:48 pm

I just spent $300 on a limousine and just discovered that doesn't include the driver.

I can't believe I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it.

tap ... tap ... tap .. is this thing on? Hello? Anyone?
Baseball season!!!!