Dad Jokes

Blue&White
Posts: 3360
Joined: Sat Aug 12, 2017 10:01 am

Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Blue&White » Mon Feb 04, 2019 7:54 pm

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.

And then she gave me a huge hug.

...
My wife asked me if "I was listening to her"? Strange way to start a conversation.

...
Man goes to the doctor or a physical. Doctor comes in and the man says "Doc, i should warn you - i have 5 penises".

The doctor says "5 penises! How do your pants fit?"

Like a glove.


Ok, ok I can take a hint. I'm done. For now. But, there will be more. I promise you, there will be more.
Baseball season!!!!

PSUgrower
Posts: 892
Joined: Thu Aug 17, 2017 10:52 am

Re: Dad Jokes

Postby PSUgrower » Mon Feb 04, 2019 10:45 pm

I called a local radio station when I was around 7 years old and told this joke. I am guessing this would have been around 1983.
Where does Dolly Parton get her bras at?

Hills!

Again, 1983

Blue&White
Posts: 3360
Joined: Sat Aug 12, 2017 10:01 am

Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Blue&White » Tue Feb 05, 2019 8:41 am

:lol:
Baseball season!!!!

Blue&White
Posts: 3360
Joined: Sat Aug 12, 2017 10:01 am

Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Blue&White » Tue Feb 05, 2019 9:08 am

Three colleagues decide to go out for a drink after work. So, they go to this club and one drink turns into two, two drinks turns into four, and the next thing you know the 3 of them are drunk beyond belief. They lose track of each other about 1 AM.

The next morning they meet up in the breakroom and all 3 of them are obviously really hung over. They are sitting at a table, sipping coffee and trying to hold it down.

First guy: "man, I was so drunk last night that when I got home I blew chunks"

Second guy: "that's nothing. I came home with lipstick all over me, my wife threw me out and I think I'm getting a divorce!"

Third guy: "well, I tried to drive home. I smashed into a parked police car, got arrested and spent the night in jail. I bailed myself out this morning but these are the same clothes I wore yesterday and I may lose my job now".

The three of them sit quietly, contemplating all this when the first guy speaks up again and says "Chunks is my dog".
Baseball season!!!!

PittGradPSUMad
Posts: 535
Joined: Fri Aug 11, 2017 8:47 pm

Re: Dad Jokes

Postby PittGradPSUMad » Tue Feb 05, 2019 9:22 am

Joke from Annie Hall:

Patients tells his psychiatrist: I'm doing fine, but it's my brother I'm worried about. He thinks he's a chicken.

Psychiatrist: That's interesting. Have you thought about having him committed?

Patient: Well, I would, but I need the eggs.
Yeah, well, that's like your opinion, man.

LioninVa
Posts: 761
Joined: Tue Aug 15, 2017 11:49 am

Re: Dad Jokes

Postby LioninVa » Tue Feb 05, 2019 5:32 pm

My girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my obsession with The Monkees. I thought she was joking. But, then I saw her face.

Blue&White
Posts: 3360
Joined: Sat Aug 12, 2017 10:01 am

Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Blue&White » Sat Feb 09, 2019 3:47 pm

I just heard about a dwarf who was pick-pocketed.

How can anyone stoop so low?
Baseball season!!!!

Blue&White
Posts: 3360
Joined: Sat Aug 12, 2017 10:01 am

Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Blue&White » Mon Feb 11, 2019 8:00 am

What's the diagnosis for owning too many dogs?

Roverdose.
Baseball season!!!!

Blue&White
Posts: 3360
Joined: Sat Aug 12, 2017 10:01 am

Re: Dad Jokes

Postby Blue&White » Tue Feb 19, 2019 7:16 am

Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers?

He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Baseball season!!!!

LioninVa
Posts: 761
Joined: Tue Aug 15, 2017 11:49 am

Re: Dad Jokes

Postby LioninVa » Tue Feb 19, 2019 5:01 pm

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.